Take Back the Bike Culture!

Carrying on the theme from the previous post, wherein I displayed a fragment of displeasure at the folly of modern bike terminology - a travesty has come to my attention. I have now learned that something as simple as a skirtguard or a chainguard is hard to come by in many areas of North America.

Where on earth have they gone? Three or four generations ago they were standard issue on North American bikes. In Denmark and the Netherlands to this day, they are featured on every decent bike bought, like the lovely new bike in the photo above.

I dare say the "sport cycling" and "hobby cycling" industries have done their utmost to discard these very basic elements of a bike over the past half century. Away with these frivilous contraptions! We need to get the weight down! [but we don't know why... just believe us] and besides, lycra won't get caught in a chain! Ha!

Fret not, North American owners of stylish skirts and handsome longcoats. Until we raid the bike junkyards of Denmark and gather up a shipload of old chainguards and skirtguards to send across the ocean for free distribution among the cycle chic community, we have found this website for you - Quick & Easy Bicycle Skirt Guards. Or for inspiration, visit this chap, who appreciates that chainguards are to be considered art.

Indeed, a bike without a chainguard is like a Danish sausage without strong mustard. In the name of Odin... trousers were not invented to be rolled up and a pair of Louboutins are certainly not made better with a strip of oil splashed across a toned calf: